Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
