Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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