How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
