I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
my liver is dry heaving
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
