12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize