Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
