Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
