I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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