I will die if light touches me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
