my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
