If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't deserve a penis
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize