I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
