do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
