I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
