After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
