I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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