ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
