So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The chlamydia really affected his face.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
