Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
