Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
