I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
