WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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