I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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