Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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