would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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