im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
