pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
