I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
