I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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