you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
