I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
