mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
