I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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