she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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