please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I deserve this hangover.
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