so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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