i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
