I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize