Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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