I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
