Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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