grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
