bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize