made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
