i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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