I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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