There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
