i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
