At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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