My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Randomize
