If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's never too late to be topless.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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