omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
