Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
