My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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