oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize