I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
