Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
