Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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