He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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