dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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