Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
