Hey man sorry I got all grabby
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
