Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
