I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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