Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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