pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
