And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
