Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i will never coherently bang her
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
