I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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