Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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