Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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