Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
